is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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