Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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