Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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