Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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