i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
