he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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