So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
