Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me too!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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