Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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