The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
