this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
