I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
