Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
