By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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