They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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