HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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