I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
