I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
