My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
