We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
