One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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