you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
