I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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