The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
