So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Come see our sink grown plant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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