I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
