Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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