and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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