You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is not my ceiling
I CAN MOONWALK!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
