dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did i walk over a car last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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