i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
