Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
