he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
