is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
