WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
