My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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