last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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