You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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