When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
