Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
