So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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