Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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