If that was your dad, he is hot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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