i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
