Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
