i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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