nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
