if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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