Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
