I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
