NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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