Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have fence marks all over my body
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
