i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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