If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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