guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
