I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's get the cat blown out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
