i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
