Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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