Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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