I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
