I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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