What did we do last night that was yellow?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
