I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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