Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
