If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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