can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
