i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
