i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
