well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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