Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
