I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
