You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
