therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
