where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
