He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
