youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
