Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
