Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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