All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
