Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
