Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
