he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
